Wednesday, July 30, 2008

SELF EVALUATION

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Disclaimer: This is a self-evaluation blog entry. These will appear periodcally. Their purpose is directly related to my personal goal of taking those moments that generally produce Ugly-Kimber and make them into Tolerable-Kimber or, dare I dream, into Super-Kimber moments.



Some days are more stressful than others. Today is one that I would place in the stressful column.

It wasn't just that Neviyah screamed for two hours straight, rejected breastfeeding and repeatedly stopped herself from falling asleep at work. It wasn't just that during all of this screaming, there was a client in the office. It wasn't just that I had to leave early so that others at work could actually work. Or that once we got home, Alia had a loud, dramatic meltdown that I thought would not end. Not amusing. It wasn't just that when trying to dial into work, my computer there kept freezing up or that it is still freezing up when I am trying to save at least a small part of the day. Or that my husband is sometimes on permanent slow. Or that Chandler makes repetitive noises that drive me bonkers. Or that the dogs are yappy and hyper.

No.

It was me. My inability to take the moment(s)--that lasted damn near all morning and afternoon--and somehow transcend them or let them pass through me. Or whatever one is supposed to do with such moments.

Instead, I have knots in my stomach and I feel like I am crawling out of my skin. I make underhanded remarks to my husband. I breastfeed Neviyah with an anxious, hurried feeling. I tell Alia to take her fit elsewhere. I ask Chandler to quit ticking (such a nice thing to ask a child with Tourette's Syndrome).

On the other hand...I did feed my screaming baby, comfort and love my fit-throwing daughter before asking her nicely to take it elsewhere and I did restrain myself when speaking with Rob. I did ask Chan to stop ticking (which I rarely do) but did so with a respectful tone. And, I ignored the two beasts instead of yelling at them to settle down or threatening to kennel them.

So. Room for improvement? Yes. Still handled better than most? Yes. Still stressed? A bit.

Nothing like beating myself up only to pat myself on the back!



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2 comments:

Mom said...

Kimber, what a day you had...I had to laugh at your comments...and the picture of you and Rob is sooo
cute...love the expressions(hehe).

I hope tomorrow is better...your mommy will pray for you.

You are something else girl! :)

Anonymous said...

Ahh...you are human! :) Those days are tough, I know. I'm sure you handled it with way more patience than anyone else I know. Enjoy today! Heidi