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That Time

So that time has arrived. My mom was evaluated for hospice, and was approved. It's that time where we cannot visit due to COVID-19, where even if I were able to, the circumstances are such that it is hard to see how this past year has gone down. There is a layer of complication to me processing because this is how it was with my great grandfather. My grandma. Now my mom. I am on my third witness of it. The effects of dementia. The withering of memory, recognition, body. The shitting yourself all the time because you eat liquid meals or because your system just doesn't do things properly. The falling out of bed, over air, and eventually just standing causes the fall. The not knowing who your loved ones even are. It's complicated because I overthink - will this be me? Is my lack of recall the start of this? Is my inability to pull up a word I want to use the slow kick off to this deterioration of the brain? Who will make sure I'm okay?
And you may know, it is complicated …

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