Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Re-evaluating

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I admit. I am re-evaluating. Sometimes the patches of beauty need to bloom. Sometimes in order to grow, the forest has to burn. I would say that both exist for me. I will be moving forward into the blooming beauty in some respects and leaving behind the unhealthy parts of the forest that are either preventing my growth or are not conducive to growth.

In other news, I have some exciting prospects...if the stars align correctly, I may be debt free soon. This would allow me to be able to pay for my daughter's schooling without having to pay interest to the school and also to my company (who fronts me the money at low interest to pay the monthly tuition because I cannot afford to pay it). We could actually put money away for retirement and pay our medical bills. We could catch up our dues and start to contribute to the discretionary fund to try to pay back the generosity that has been shown to us. We would be able to breathe. The weight would be gone. It would be really healthy for our family to be out of debt and able to function appropriately again.

In other news, I have some depressing realities ahead. It really hit me when we went to shul the other evening for havdalah and we saw Rabbi Neal cross the road. Reality just smacked me in the face. He is leaving soon. Although I have not been able to go to all of the learning sessions I would like due to having a small child, I cherish our Saturday nights with Rabbi Neil. Tonight at dinner, Rob seemed so defeated. His reality was hitting him. For him, he cannot imagine how life will look -- especially Jewish life -- without Rabbi Neil in the picture. I could feel his disconnect as we spoke about it. It is the unspoken, terrible reality in our lives.

So it is a time for personal re-evaluation...for new possibilities...and unwanted realities...this thing of life can be complicated sometimes.

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