Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Mental Exhaustion

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Board meetings are exhausting. Especially right before Tisha B'Av. When dealing with the destruction of the Temple. I don't think I fell asleep until well after 1:00 a.m. I didn't eat dinner until close to midnight. I couldn't stomach food. I get this destruction.

I get this crumbling down of one's spirit associated with the fear that one's sacred path is potentially veering in a wrong direction. It has happened before around this time. The first Temple. The second Temple. The twelve spies returning with their misunderstanding of their mission. Their wrong-headed views. The razing after the siege of Jerusalem. Bar Kokhba's failed attempt to revolt against the Roman Empire.

"Just more of the same."

It doesn't change things. I do think there were mainly pure hearts struggling to balance many different factors. Complex factors. I get where it came from. I do. But that doesn't change how I feel about it. Sometimes the process doesn't get it right. And sometimes miracles happen.

I am not giving up just yet. Love and Trust. Love and Trust, baby.

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