Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Wine or Whine

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Winery on Sunday was fantastic. Weather was wonderful. Nice breeze. Relaxing and undemanding. No poopie incidences.

However, the "whine" factor lately for our eldest daughter has been...frequent. Extinction does not work. Talking it out does not work. We have resorted to a new tactic that seems to be starting to work but we are not out of the woods yet. This tactic? A kind of 7 year old logic.

"When a parent asks a child to do something, is the child supposed to do it?" (ask several times)

"Yes."

"Is the child supposed to X?" (X can equal argue, whine, complain, dawdle, etc.)

"No."

"Okay, am I the parent?"

(this is where she usually starts crying)

"Am I the parent?"

"Yes."

"Are you the child?"

"Yes."

"Do-over! I am looking for Y. Go back to the room and come back out." (Y equals something like, "Yes, Mom." or "I need help." or whatever her response could/should have been.)

Then I reask or say what I have to say and she has an opportunity to change her reaction. If she does a good job, life goes on. If she doesn't, the dreaded consequence (which would have been prenamed in this scenario).

Doesn't sound like much but getting her to admit the way it is supposed to be without personalizing it then zooming in on how we are each actually in that scenario...then giving her the words or the actions in a semi-role-playing way then allowing her to take control by implementing the right way is actually working. Her initial inability to cope is replaced with the desired response. Now, if she can just cross this over to be her initial reactions (as she has a few times already), it will be a success.
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1 comment:

Heidi said...

let me know how this continues to develop. We also have been dealing with the whining issue and recently started a new approach - to make it all seem so silly and ridiculous to her. I'm hoping she'll see that her behavior is a little over the top and choose to act more positively. Seems to be working *better* than asking her to stop whining. Still too early to tell though.