That's right. Gone. In under two seconds, my 45 minutes of writing and processing my class with Rabbi Rose was gone. Eaten by Blogger. Grrrr! I don't have it in me to recreate that post right now.
Instead, I will let you in on what I have been doing the past few days. Crying. Yes, crying. It just seems that my compassion for others and their situations is overwhelming me. Finding out my friend is using a food pantry because they cannot make ends meet. Reconnecting with a friend and finding out her daughter passed away from cancer. Learning that my friend's daughter has three students in her school's kindergarten class who are homeless right now. It is just tugging at my heartstrings.
I look at my life and I am so grateful for what I have. I am grateful that I have had some great luck that I probably am not worthy of. I am grateful that I have a security net in my family if ever such misfortune were to strike me. I am grateful that my bad decisions in the past and today have not put me in a compromising place. I am grateful that the few health problems that have existed for my children were correctable or curable, and that I don't have to face the kind of darkness that others have had to face. I am grateful that I have a core group of non-judging friends who I firmly believe would lend me a helping hand if ever I faced a serious challenge, whether or not I was part of the problem or just unable to find a good solution.
These past few days, since Friday really, I recognize that I am also grateful for being blessed with the ability to feel compassion. Even if it means I keep having a good cry. Even if it means that I now dig through my already tight budget to see how I can help. Even if it means I become emotionally invested when it is easier to not get involved.
Do I thank my parents? Do I thank Hashem? Do I thank the teachings of Judaism, Rambam's ladder? Do I thank liberals and specifically my sister Kelly, who have taught me that we all have inherent worth and dignity, and that we help all human without judgement as to how or why they are in need? Do I thank my husband for making such a beautiful team with me and being on the exact same page as me with regard to helping others? Do I thank Carol and Neil, two people who have helped me to recognize and reframe in each moment the needs of others and by their example of kindness? Do I thank the generous community around me?
To whomever...to you all...thank you for your love and example and support.