Decisions Made and Cool Air

Today was my follow up visit with the doctor. The baby is definitely not alive. I was holding out for a miracle, but did not get one. In fact, the baby has shrunken a bit and is now only measuring 7 weeks 2 days. There is a large blood clot at the top of the placenta. My placenta is starting to separate from the wall as well. I have lost 2 pounds since Friday. I am anemic (slight) and, it turns out, diabetic. Yes, the plot thickens.

We discussed options. Neither option is appealing to me—natural miscarriage or D&C. However, after lots of questions, explanations, questions, explanations and even more questions, I have decided to have the D&C. With the anemia, the prospect of heavy bleeding, contractions, etc. and based on a more thorough explanation of the D&C, I believe that the D&C is the right option for me at this time. It will be safer and less emotionally taxing. Still, I am not exactly thrilled with the idea of a D&C. My goal is to work on not thinking about it so that I don’t drive myself crazy.

Surgery is Thursday, 5 a.m. General anesthesia. Hoping to speak with the anesthesiologist about possibly getting Twilight anesthesia. We’ll see.

The diabetes part. My numbers showed up at 175 after one hour. I am not sure where this leaves me. The doctor wants me to get through this pregnancy, and heal. Then he said he will take a panel and we will start addressing the diabetes, what it means, and how nutrition and exercise will play a role in controlling it.

In all, I am doing much better today. I only cried a couple of times. I had a nice phone conversation with a friend and it was nice to do something normal. Sushi for lunch and more conversation distraction. Who can feel bad after eating sushi? Then tonight, I had some nice laughs with Jay outside of Enid's house. It felt good to breathe in the cold air, and to smile and laugh.