My sister-in-law has surgery again tomorrow. I wish I could say that it would fix everything, but it won't. She is fighting cancer and other complications keep rearing their ugly heads in the process.
It has never been easy for me with Rob's family. They have always misunderstood me. No matter how hard I have tried to forge relationships with them, it always seemed to backfire. The closest I came to anyone in his family was with Trisha. I used to love to take her kids on outings and help them with their homework. I looked forward to stopping in to hang out with her when I picked up Alia and Chandler (Trish used to babysit them while Rob and I were at work). It was beautiful to see Trish and Rob start to build a relationship beyond just brother and sister.
In the long run, these relationships did not turn out how we all envisioned, what we had hoped they could be. Regardless, here we are today with Rob's sister in the fight of her life, and I feel pretty powerless to be a support to her and her immediate family. It is a terrible feeling to be powerless. In spite of everything, I love deeply each of them--Trisha, Brian, Brandon, Tara and Sophie, and I always have and I always will.
Ugh! I can't stop bawling as I write this. It is like the flood gates have been opened. I want to close them back up so that I don't have to sit with regret, this powerlessness, fear. I am beyond sad that Trisha has to go through all of this. I am sick thinking about it, sick that she has to have yet another surgery. I hope and pray that she is getting what she needs at any given moment--whether that be a hand to hold, some space, a shoulder on which she can be vulnerable, someone from whom to draw strength...whatever it is that she needs. And I hope that Brian, Brandon, Tara and Sophie are also finding support and strength and comfort.
As we passed St. Luke's on the way home from school, Alia pointed it out to her friend in the car. "This is where my aunt is being treated for cancer," she said. It reminded me of that special connection that they have, that she and Trish have always had.
The last time we were visiting at the hospital, we took a walk about the halls with her. Trisha was having pains from the last surgery but they still wanted her to get up and move around. She was focused and intent on moving forward with treatment and becoming well. She possesses that kind of strength.
That brings me to now, this moment. I have a favor to ask. If you are able to pray, meditate, send out positive universal energy or whatever it is you do, please remember Patricia Evensen bat Judith tonight and tomorrow and the next day. She and her family needs some miracles.