Sunday, January 30, 2011

Broken Heart

Yes, it was one of those days.  The kind you wish never came to greet you.  The kind that chases you back under the covers.  It was a day for hard decisions, unpopular decisions, heart-wrenching decisions.  With the ripped heart comes an opportunity for a new kind of freedom, a kind of freedom birthed out of pain and signifying a new starting place, a begin-again.

Yes, that was me breaking down at shul.  Every time I thought I had pulled it together, the tears involuntarily stained my face.  Yes, that's me, looking at all the years of tolerance, love, hurt, care, confusion, clarity.  Yes, this is me now. Letting go.  Pushing past the ring of fire in hopes of birthing something acceptable to all parties involved. 

Here is to trying to build another road, a new road.  Same cars. Same equipment.  New road.

This kid who has single handedly shaped our direction in life as we poured all we were and are capable of into him...it is hard not to view this as an ending.  As a failure.


I breathe out.  I breathe in.  I put one foot in front of the other.  I will move ahead.  I will leave the door to my heart open no matter how tempting it is to close it.  Open.

No comments: