Monday, May 2, 2011

The Fog Has Lifted

I have been in a fog.  Didn't realize it.  Didn't quite notice that the vision was cloudy, that things were not clear.  I am pretty sure I knew things were "off" if you will, but I don't quite think I realized the extent of the funk.

Goodbye, fog!  Vision restored!

It is like I have been kick-started again, and all things are in order.  It isn't an event that happened; this is an internal thing.  It is nothing that I did, or you...the stars aligned correctly and magic fairy dust was sprinkled.  Or something like that. 

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My oldest daughter has been talking to me non-stop.  Of particular interest is her drama class.  They did a little improv and it sparked in her such happiness and joy.  She has been acting out each group's skits (two per group) all weekend.  She smiles, laughs, acts out, re-acts out the skits.  Over and over.  We laugh each time at the creativity of the kids, and at her pure joy in showing them to us.

My oldest daughter has been talking to me non-stop.  Paralellagrams, electric candles, rabbis playing guitar and singing down the hall, weed-pulling.  Challah.  Alia does not want to eat the challah at school.  She feels that challah should be hechsher kosher.  Even though we do eat vegetarian out of the house, we keep strict hechsher kosher in the house.  We had a great conversation about this.  I was proud that she made a Jewish decision for herself, based on her sense of commandedness, her love of Judaism, and her sense of what is right and wrong for her.  My follower daughter made a decision against the grain.  Alia says that they can't just get a kosher loaf for her class, that she will have to bring her own challah and eat from a different loaf.  This is what she was told -- the Orthodox kids bring a loaf that is frozen and each week they take a piece from it.  Seems a little silly when kosher challah is in most of the stores.  It is okay, though.  We will buy and send challah, and Alia will see that respect and support her. 

My oldest daughter did her homework with intention, all the while letting beautiful words about her teachers drip from her lips.  She worked very hard, and if you know my daughter and her hate relationship with doing school work, then you may know what a miracle this was.  Afterwards, she said, "No fighting over homework all week."  I never thought of it as fighting, just as struggling.  My terms, her terms.  This is the reality -- no struggle. I am hoping this is a habit!  A habit of no struggle for homework, and a habit of being filled with joy, confidence and wonder with regard to what she is learning.

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Turn off the computer.  Engage my now three-year old.  Bath time was delicious!  She sang-sang-sang.  Splashed-splashed-splashed.  She is such a kind child.  She threw "I love you" out there, and she means it.  "Mama, I just want you to know that I love you so much!"  "Mama, I just love you!"  "Mamma, you are so nice to me and I love you!"  Ugh! How can I leave this child for Israel?  I am having second thoughts.

Tonight we began the new chart for morning and bedtime routine.  We changed how we are doing nite-nite time.  Neviyah handled it well.  She followed right along.  She did not protest.  She had some difficulty falling asleep, but in her cuteness, she said at one point, "Mama, I just can't make myself fall asleep. I keep trying and trying but my sleep won't come."  So, we told her another story, and that helped.

This sickly child of mine...always so willing to be positive.  Her smile melts me.  Her hugs sustain me. Her words amaze me.

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Dinner made. Lunches packed.  Kids in bed.  Parents asleep.  Morning here.  Please back -- do not hurt and ache today!

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