Walk in Your Truth

This is my new year theme.  Walk in your truth.  Walk in MY truth.

I read recently a quote that said, "When you show up authentic, you create the space for others to do the same."

Showing up authentic at all times is a bit like being present in each and every moment, but this an added stringency.  Sometimes, one's authentic self is actually one's ideal self, and adjustments must be made to make the current-moment match one's authentic (which I would interchange with ideal) self. 

I have thought about this a lot over the past year - this idea of who we are as people, who we want to be, how we view ourselves, how others view us.

Being a person with social anxiety, what I am able to pull off on "paper" e.g. online, contrasts sharply with how I am able to navigate within a group. I will self isolate, or stick by one person I am comfortable around.  People will read that however they want - she is stand-offish, she is socially awkward, she is cold, whatever.  Anyone who knows me knows that small talk is not my forte, and I am much better in larger settings if I have a job or am in charge of something.  This kind of situation - this is NOT what I am talking about.  Authentic self does not play into this equation at all, and this is not the type of idealism that I am speaking of below ("I wish I was outgoing and able to navigate a crowded room.")

It does play into how I conduct myself around others.  My authentic self is a granola momma who is always gentle, patient, able to live up to my philosophy of child rearing.  My current-moment self may be just that...or it may not be!  Same with friends, and small talk, and relationships, and the day to day messiness of life.  It is always easier after the fact to figure out what one should have done or should have said (or even, should NOT have said).  Recently, when I have acted in a way that is not my authentic self, I have been asking the other party to allow me to REFRAME whatever it was I said or did not say, did or did not do. 

Still, if I was able to be my authentic self at all times, I would be able to be what I hold deep and dear to my heart. The fact of the matter is, we are NOT always our authentic self; however, that doesn't mean our authentic self is always going to present itself at all time.  Sometimes we miss the mark.  (Yes, Carol, I really mean, sometimes I miss the mark!) 

With the onset of life's dramas, one moves away unknowingly until one hits a brick wall.  Then, it is time to wake up!  The shofar blowing is the wake up!  This is me, waking up! Kalanit...the name that came about through wanting to be more authentically me...to strive for more observance without over-frumming-it...to have my inner and outer self match...practice (in my limited knowledge) the mussar pathway and Jewish morals and ethics...to break apart barriers that inhibit the flow of my inner light...and to authentically be who I envision myself to be...

Wake up! Walk in your (my) truth!