Instead, I am in this weird place of emergence. That painful but forward moving place. Re-evaluation. Re-thinking. Re-feeling. Re-adjusting. When I say painful it is not that I am in pain per se; it is more like the process of moving into a new space requires me to contort myself, to re-imagine myself, to question myself (in a growth pursuing way), and in some ways, it means I can see a little better. That requires me to continue to emerge because that is the kind of person I am once I am awakened to it. I don't stay stuck. Regardless of the fact that I lie around a lot after work, I really am a person of action, a person seeking to be better in all aspects of myself, and in all pieces of myself.
In some ways, I feel like this is the heartbeat of my life. The cyclical nature of how it works for me. The continual striving - as a mother, as a wife, as a friend, as a business owner, as a person called to holiness. Struggle is my motto. It is maybe the stuff of everyone; maybe it is not. It is certainly the stuff of my life.
Strangely, this is not a doom & gloom post. I am expressing the awkwardness and the sometimes out-of-placeness, and somewhat uncomfortable feeling that comes with emerging and becoming, engaging in change, and moving forward. Lonely in some ways; hopeful in others.