Monday, November 23, 2015

Cha-cha-cha-changes...

Usually changes, especially those to my finances, stress me out. Causes interruptions to my sanity. Entices me to self-isolate.

None of these things are occurring, and wow have I been experiencing changes! Beyond downgrading to a house less than 1/2 the size, and zen-ifying the items I own, and moving my company from office to home based...here are some of the other changes that have occurred even more recently than the above changes of 6 months ago!

First, I went from FULL TIME to PART TIME, in hours, in pay, and in mind-set.  The biggest issue here is the pay - I am making less than half of what I was before. Let me repeat that - less than half of what I was making before!  My bills didn't change...but I am not freaking out! At this point, I am just taking it as it comes...paying the most important things first, and doing what I can with the others.

Second, Rob has taken a new job to earn more to help make up some of the difference. The new job requires him to be on the road from Monday through Friday, and he is only home on the weekends. As many know, we have been through a rough last year and a half in our marriage. We have both grown a lot in the last six months in particular, and so the risk on my relying on another person for finances (have NEVER done in my whole life) and after coming off a rough time should be making me crazy or insecure or something...but it isn't. Single parenting during the week is hard but not impossible, and Rob and I are managing to stay connected.

Third, I began homeschooling Nevi two weeks ago. This in and of itself is a huge responsibility, and one that people I have consulted both advised against and for. I could fail, Nevi could fail, our relationship could be adversely affected, etc.  The list could go on!  However, the transition has been smooth, easy, fun, and rewarding. It is probably the best decision our family has made in a long time. I am loving it, and so is Neviyah!

Fourth, transition of friends has occurred. People who used to be in my daily life have scaled back for whatever reason, and new people have been popping in. I am able to be who I am - at my core a homebody - while at the same time, engage in learning, non-profit planning, bhakti yoga-ing, exploring herbal remedies, etc. While at first I was kind of devastated, especially after coming off a hard year, I am now thriving in the freedom of exploring slowly and at my introverted comfort level, enjoying the new friends I am making, reconnecting with old friends, shoring up friendships that had slowed down, and focusing on doing the things I love to do at a pace I want to do them.  (Michelle E - you were right!)

Fifth, I received the honor of being named the programming chair for Nishmah, and I have been enjoying conceiving of and bringing to fruition new programming series, overseeing and participating in new areas of programming that I was never involved in before, and working closely with the fantastic Sara W.  Nishmah has been extremely patient with me as I have adjusted to these life changes, and I appreciate all of the positive feedback I receive from them. Still, it is a change in that it is an added responsibility amongst all of these changes, and I am thoroughly enjoying it.

These changes don't sound as huge as they have been in my life, but I have been feeling the struggle that comes with it, and somehow am making positive ways in which to navigate them that do not include lying in bed all day, freaking out, crying, drinking, or hyperventilating! That's a WIN in my book!

In looking deeper and inward, it is as if I have finally been able to actuate what I have wanted to do my whole life...take life at a slower pace (work)...tap into my role of mother in a focused and in-the-moment way (homeschooling)...take part in something that helps others in a more detailed way (volunteer work with Nishmah)...have time to do some learning in a relaxed way (yoga, herbs)...and connect with others in a meaningful way (reaching out to a diverse set of friends).

Please continue to send me positive vibes, and wish me good luck and steady coping skills!




1 comment:

Rabbi Carnie Rose said...

blessings for this new leg of your journey